my dad told me something.
something that made him cried.
something that made me cry too.
he told me, there's something bout me in his mind that is still very fresh til now.
he said it was when i was around standard 1 or 2 when he came late to pick me up from school.
i was alone with no one else in la salle.
he saw me with a very pitiful look and said i look like i was really scared and like no one's gonna come pick me up.
i cried when i see him cry.
he also said he beat me once during our trip in thailand.
that was the first time he ever hit me.
i was too naughty that time.
at the same time, he told me bout my mom.
how she's always thought of us first in everything she does.
always feel insecure because of my life in K.L.
i remember when the times i got beaten because of my actions when i was young.
all the 'weapons' she used to whack me.
it goes from a simple wooden ruler to the rubber hose in the bathroom.
i have one of the markings that i will never forget from all the beating.
the worst mark was the mark of the holding part of the rotan.
the circular thing.
and there was once that my mom whack me so much my elder sister started crying and run to me and protecting me from my mom.
mom kept shouting at her to go away and she did was asking my mom to stop hitting me.
thinking of all this past things.
and now, i made them worried again.
with tons of problems.
and now even Pooi ji and Sukhong is extremely devastated and disappointed in me.
for the last time, i'll change this time after all the things i've been through.
